On Touching Mariah Carey's Body

I've interviewed a lot of celebrities over the past few years - more than I can count on 500 fingers and toes. Some impress (Stephen Colbert, Bill Nighy), others greatly disappoint (ahem, Richard Gere! Chris Noth!), still others just make me want to pee my pants from laughter. Jack McBrayer of 30 Rock hilarity (are you watching the show? because you should be watching the show!) falls into the latter category.



I had a run-in with Jack last weekend at San Francisco's WonderCon, and it was one of the funniest 10 minutes I can recall in recent months. Jack and I actually share a lot in common: We grew up just a couple hours away from each other in the Deep and Dirty South, we share a love for aquariums (despite my extreme phobia of sharks), we have kleptomaniac tendencies when it comes to Kraft service, and we both touched Mariah Carey's body...erm, I mean all but that last part. Here's an excerpt from an interview with Jack on his latest endeavor, a starring role in the musical goddess' just-released video. Let it be said, his 30 Rock accent is hardly fake - I'd say it's even more pronounced in real life if possible - and he concludes each sentence with a drawn-out "y'all" like any good Southern boy should do. Let the South rise again! I kind of wanted to take him home in my pocket and place him on my shelf for anytime I'm feeling particularly in the dumps and just need a good dose of old-fashioned humor to put the smile right back on my face. (And yes, he spoke in all exclamation points. That's not just editorial license.)


Me: How did a hometown Georgia boy wind up in a Mariah Carey video?
Jack: I don’t know! It’s the craziest thing ever! It was so surreal, and it was a last-minute thing. I got a phone call on a Thursday night, saying they wanted to use me in this video, and I said, “Okaaaay.” So I flew out on Friday, and Saturday and Sunday we shot it in this mansion in Beverley Hills. It was like 16 bedrooms, swimming pool, tennis courts, bowling alley, movie theater. It was the most surreal thing ever! It was awesome, it was awesome!
Me: What role do you play?
Jack: I play this computer nerd who comes to her house to fix her computer, and while she goes to take a shower, I just start to fantasize about what it would be like to spend a day with Mariah Carey.
Me: And what would it be like?
Jack: Somebody like me would have a romantic picnic where we played ultimate Frisbee, or dress in dungeons and dragons clothes and walk a unicorn across the lawn. It was so crazy.
Me: If you had your dream date with Mariah, what would that entail?
Jack: Everything that I filmed, but I wouldn’t be wearing glasses, so I could see her even more clearly!
Me: Was she cool to work with?
Jack: She was awesome! She was fantastic. She’s been doing this for awhile, so she knows exactly how she wants everything. Here’s something surprising: She’s a comedy nerd. She loves her comedies.
Me: She’s a big fan of 30 Rock?
Jack: She loves 30 Rock, and she’s a big fan of all the Apatow movies. It was refreshing. I was like, “ahh, stars – they’re just like us!”
Me: Were you a Mariah fan back in the day?
Jack: Well, I definitely enjoyed her work. If somebody tapped me on the shoulder back in 1991 and said, “hey Jack, in 17 years, you’re going to be her love interest, I’d have said, ‘you have the wrong Jack!’” It was bananas!
Me: Has this convinced you that you have a potential career as a pop star, or maybe back-up dancer?
Jack: Yeah, yeah, I’m going to follow the trend and drop my own album.
Me: Be the next Heidi Montag?
Jack: Oh, you know I am! It was my life plan!
Me: What’s your first single going to be called?
Jack: The one with Mariah was called Touch My Body, so mine would probably be Yeah, I Touched It.